Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Does Mommy get "me time"?

A couple of days ago I received my weekly email from "Circle of Mom's". It's a mom community site, where you can make profiles of your children, like a Facebook but private. A way to share your child's photos and milestones, with other moms. You can take part in discussions that relate to you and even start a discussion of your own. A place to voice your concerns or any questions. The discussion that was sent to me was "Does mommy get me time??". That is always a question that mothers battle. I think stay-at-home mom's probably yearn for this time more so than working mothers. Not that working mothers don't deserve "me time". But be honest, when you stay home with your child ALL day, you are more likely to want to escape. You have heard from mothers that being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job in the world. And having experienced both, I can tell you from experience that it IS! Now of course being a working mom isn't easy, since you miss a lot of milestones and if you have school age children, working their schedules into your work schedule, is tough. Being a "Taxi Mom", working or not, is very exhausting. I am definitely for "me time" but I unfortunately don't get much of it. My husband works 6 days a week, so the children are ALWAYS with me. When I run errands, do groceries, clean the house, do laundry, cook, blog, party plan, visit friends...... they are ALWAYS there! I only get a babysitter when there is something special going on, which isn't very often. Date nights are very rare as well. I've squeezed in a Happy Hour with friends, what seems to be every 2 months! Sorry, that is just not cutting it.
But..... is there such a thing as too much "me time"?? For the "lucky moms" out there, that get 1 or 2 days/evenings a week to themselves while their children visit grandma and grandpa...... is that too much?? What or IS there a perfect balance? I started pondering over this recently. I've been itching to get out of the house more, by myself! Maybe join the gym, start cake decorating classes again, or just something new. Then I thought about how many times per week, if that, would be appropriate. So the question isn't really "Does mommy get me-time" because OF COURSE she does! We all deserve some time to ourselves, to relax, clear our heads, rejuvenate and feel rebooted, ready to get back to motherhood. Now I will pose the real question to you....... How much "me time" is TOO much?

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you on having some me time... but i have to say for me being a full time working mom is really not easy when at work im always on my feet doing one thing or anoter rushing home on traffic hr to pick up my son, rush home to cook, play with my son, take him a bath, put him to sleep, clean up, wash, vacume, etc.etc. etc. For me coming to work is just as crazy if I would stay home with my monkey... I understand you because your work tripple with 3 kids mine is just one... But I do have a wonderfull mother and sisters that take him here and their on the week and weekends so that i can have some time off... if it wasnt for them i would def. go crazy... its really hard... love all your blogs... thanks!!! AHhhhhhhh i can breath now... just took some stress out... you rock!!!

J. At Your Service said...

Awww, Thank you! Trust me, I know being a working mom is NOT easy. What I'm wondering is like, what's the balance of the "me time"...ya know?? A mom just never knows! Hey, we all need to vent sometime, feel free! LOL

Lisa said...

Thanks for following. I'm now your newest follower! :) You have a beautiful family!

Lisa xoxo

Jenny Wagner said...

It's hard to balance life with the kids, but the reward is so worth it! Thanks for following me from MommyBlogs. I'm your newest follower! :D

Adriana said...

Wow this is a good question!
Personally I feel that quality is more important than quantity. My parents worked through out my whole childhood (my dad worked two jobs). I had and have the best relationship with them than anyone I know has with their parents, because the time we spent together was quality time. A parent can stay home 24/7 with their kids, but that doesn’t necessarily make them a good parent. When I’m with my son it’s all about him and because I’m not with him all the time in turn I’m not irritated, resentful, or overwhelmed. I think children need love more than time, when I look back now at my childhood I never think, wow my parents spent all their time with me, I think my parents worked hard to give me a good life and above all loved me! So, I think a parent should take as much time as he/she needs, IF it's going to make him/her a better parent. A happy, loving parent in turn will have a happy, loving child!

Sorry about the long answer, I really like this question!

Jeanne said...

Ok...so, I have to "fess up" - I'm one of those annoying Mom's who misses her son terribly when I actually DO get "me time". I kind of don't know what to do with myself - especially if it's an unplanned me time - like when Gramma says "Could Joshua come over for a couple hours this afternoon?" There are things i must do alone, that are not quite me time, but I am alone - Dr. appt, dentist, evening business meeting - these don't come up often, mind you but they do come up. I too have great family who will help when I need it. I have a 19 year old son who is autistic and I'm a single Mom and I work full time. Like you J. I have my son with me ALL the time too - which is great because we are very close and he is my heart. But I too need a little free time, a little me time. For me, the balance of "me time" probably leans toward not quite enough just as you said. But I do make sure I get out on my own a couple times a month, have coffee with the girls, talk about adult stuff and laugh our buns off - for me, one or two of those times a month is all I need for "me time balance". It's not too much but, not too little. If I sneak a couple of those in - I'm good! Great article and great question!!

Griselle said...

I love your blog. Your kids are so cute. I am now your newest follower, I hope we can all share ideas.

J. At Your Service said...

@Adriana-It really is a question that everyone has different opinions on, that's why I asked. And your are absolutely right, just cause someone is home with their child doesn't make them a good mother. My mother worked and was out ALOT and she STILL resented her children! I never feel that way. But being home with them all day, everyday, IS exhausting.....which is why I'm trying to run away! LOL, j/k My problem is I NEED to take the time and most of the time I don't. I feel guilty for wanting to do other things for myself.

J. At Your Service said...

@Jeanne- that "me time" sounds really nice! I think maybe I'll start off slow and see how much of a mile I want to take. hehe! I'm jealous of that gramma you have, calling for your son! Can she call for mine? LOL, j/k

Disney Diva Tips said...

I agree with the dilema. I have 3 children who are 5,3, and 1 and its a demanding job. Lots of energy and patience required. More than I think I have most days. My husband works tons of hours and we don't have grandparents around. THankfully I have some of the best friends. We swap kids all the time for appts or just a break. Moms Unite!!! I am a new follower and I hope you check out my blog and follow me back at http://disneydivatips.blogspot.com/

Amaris said...

Well I think it should be considered on an individual basis, mainly because everyone’s situation is different. One working mom isn’t the same as the next, and one stay at home mom isn’t the same as the next. I definitely wouldn’t want someone to discredit my hard work (as a working parent) just because they’re at home with their children. So I guess what I'm saying is, the amount of "me time" a mom needs would depend on her particular situation.
And by the way, this working mom hasn't missed one milestone...I was there for his first step, his first pee-pee in the potty...kids don't ONLY reach milestones Mon-Fri 8am-5pm.

wacki04 said...

What a beautiful family! I'm your newest follower from Bloggy Moms! Hope you can stop by and return the follow :)

http://thekingscourt4.blogspot.com/

J. At Your Service said...

@Amaris- well then you've been lucky but the probably that a working mom, WILL miss a milestone is greater, since they are gone most of the day. If you haven't then thats great. D has worked around your schedule. But when I was a single parent, working full time (I think you forgot that I did it too) I wasn't there when Serina walked for the first time. I got a call from mom telling me that my daughter is walking! (VERY SAD) That is why I SAID, being a working mom ISN'T easy.

Amaris said...

D worked around my schedule...LOL! What a good kid!

Megan said...

Hey there! I just wanted to tell you thank you so much for stopping by Mommy Minded! I am so excited to have you! I am following back!

Megan
Mommy Minded

Megan said...

Hey J! I dont know what is up? I hit follow again and it said that I already joined with google so I deleted myself off here and tried again. Let me know if it worked!

Megan

Simplegirl said...

Hello I'm your new follower from bloggy moms. Thank you for stopping by, you have a beautiful family.

Cheryl said...

Great question! Mine are grown now, so I do get plenty of "me" time, but I do remember those days when (while hubby was at work) I had them 24/7...those "me" days or just "time" was very little! If I could go back in time, I think I would (at the very least) plan 1 day a month for at least a mommy-day or girls' night out...at least for dinner! Thanks for stopping by our blog today and for following, glad you enjoy! : )

Amber DeGrace said...

Good post, great question, and I <3 your blog as well. ;) As a stay at home mama, I don't think one night "off" a week is too much. I'm lucky if I get one a month, though! This weekend is my 10-year class reunion and the kids are staying at the grandparents. Aaah. My husband and I are going to San Francisco for a few days in September (anniversary) and Las Vegas for a few days in October (work trip for my husband, freelance fodder for me), and going sans babies. I'll miss them but never feel guilty for the occasional parent trip. We are taking the kids to Dominican Republic for Christmas this year, so we don't do everything without them. :) I need time away now and then to remain a good mama!

J. At Your Service said...

Thanks for stopping by Amber! Ya know I don't feel guilty for a night here and there but when I think of taking classes for something I'm interested in, thats when it kicks in. Something that will take me away a couple nights outta the week, is when I second guess it. But I do need time away, thats for sure!

Tracy said...

I struggle with this question all the time. I think the best answer is that you have to find a balance. Your "me time" and my "me time" could be totally different. Everyone has to find what works for them.

DIY Girl said...

Hi! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm now following you:-) I make sure we all get a little bit of me time including the kids. I encourage my older daughter to have some quiet time everyday doing something she enjoys on her own. It helps her understand what "me time" is about. Everyone deserves a break now and then. You just have to find the right balance for you and your family which is easier said than done of course.

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